A conspiracy theorist confesses to his petty crimes offguardian electricity jokes


I am not referring to the conspiracy theories of George W. Bush, Colin Powell, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, Donald Trump and other such luminaries concerning events such as the attack of September 11, 2011, weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the ongoing war on terror, Julian Assange’s alleged ties to Russia, etc. These people’s conspiracy theories have nothing to do with petty crime u gas station, for their handiwork is grand indeed. They are big people. In any case, I don’t know what small stuff they might be up to when not killing so many people all around the world.

I got to thinking about my petty crimes after reading a profound article in The New York Post how the aforementioned Professor Douglas and her comrades at two English research universities have proven – “backed up by science” as the Post’s Rob Bailey-Milado says – that little people like me who have gas works park events concluded that the US national security state conspired to kill President Kennedy, to take one example, are inclined to take to the dark side and pilfer MMs from the candy counter and stuff like that.

As we all know, all these nutty beliefs are of equal value and validity, and to even harbor the thought that Bailey-Milado might have the CIA’s 1967 secret Dispatch – Doc 1035-960, showing how to counter and discredit the claims of conspiracy theorists – pinned over his desk or in his mind is to risk further accusations of being whacked-out and in need of examining one’s proclivity toward everyday crimes. So I won’t go there. I’m guilty enough.

Last week, after reading the Post article and the study itself, I found myself in my local co-op market. You might wonder where I had been looking for myself when I found myself there, staring into bins of dried fruit, but let’s just say I had been around. When you’re lost and whacked-out, you never know where you are or why you believe what you believe.

I was trying to decide whether to get the dried pineapple, mango, or figs. It was a tough choice, sort of like staring at forty different gas natural fenosa tubes of toothpaste on the store shelf and wondering which to buy or if the one advertised as specially for women would work for a man since men must have different teeth. The comparison is not exactly apt, I guess, for you can’t test the toothpastes there, but the fruit looked so edible. So, when no one was looking, I first tried the pineapple, then the mango, and finally the figs. I thought I saw the store manager see me when I took the fig because I was so enjoying the fruits of my crime that I let my guard down.

When I was leaving the store, I had the odd gas prices in texas 2015 thought that the cop car in the parking lot was there for me, so I turned and went out via the sidewalk, sighing in relief as I did. As I was walking home, I thought of my narrow escape and the brilliance of the study that connected my conspiratorial thinking to my criminal activity with the fruit. I also couldn’t help thinking how the figs had reminded me of my latest conspiracy theory, but one supported by sources as confidential as those referenced by The New York Times or The Washington Post. In addition, like those devotees of truth and confidentiality, I will never reveal my sources.

Legend has it that Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity while sitting in a garden gas pump emoji, watching apples fall perpendicularly to the ground. However, this is not true. I have learned from my confidential sources that his nickname was Isaac “Fig” Newton and that those who claim the Fig Newton cookie was named after Newton, Massachusetts are involved in a great cover-up.

My sources tell me that when Isaac was a child, he was so fond of figs that his mother gas meter car had to warn him against eating too many, for as you probably know, figs, like prunes, are filled with fiber and possess a laxative quality. Isaac was defecating so much and so often that his mother was alarmed. But a mother’s panic at a child’s toilet habits can be a source of insight years later.

So it was that years later it was Isaac’s experience on the potty that gave him his great insight into gravity. Reflecting back on his childhood, he realized that shit always went down, never up (there were no electric fans in those days, so no one would say that it went up when “shit hit the fan”). He remembered his mother’s loving words when as a boy he would tell his mom he had to “take a shit,” she would always remind him that it was always better to give than take, so he should “give a shit.”

Also, it was Isaac’s chore to take the family potty out behind the house where it was emptied down into a deep hole about six feet under. Thus, the adult Isaac came to call his discovery gravity, after the grave. He scientifically proved arkla gas pay bill what everyone already knew: that everything and everyone goes down, eventually. Not the most uplifting news, I grant you, but I have sources for that also.

So I readily admit I am guilty of this inclination toward low-level “crime,” as Douglas and her colleagues explicate so brilliantly. No doubt, it is connected to my conspiratorial mindset. I hope that much is clear. Sometimes I just can’t resist the forbidden fruit. Although not an apple, it seems to give me insight into the knowledge of good and evil.

One thing though. The theory of Anthropogenic Climate Change is not a conspiracy theory – it doesn’t presuppose a conspiracy anywhere. It is a theory about the climatic system of the planet and how that is affected by carbon gases in the atmosphere (amongst other things), and these are regarded in light of a mechanistic model with no elements conspiring to cause changes claimed – e.g. to the frequency of extreme electricity words or unseasonal weather patterns.

You could argue that the theory of AGW is a giant conspiracy of deception, i.e.. you could argue that there is a conspiracy to promote AGW beyond its described ‘consensus’. But that would be you putting forward a conspiracy theory, not the climate scientists who spend their lives researching temperature static electricity in the body effects gradients or forest fire records etc.

There is a conspiracy theory which points to evidence that some of the early scientific research around AGW was conducted by fossil fuel companies trying to defefnd their interests, and which was buried by them when they started to employ disinsformation operatives to seed doubt in the public consciousness around the issue. Likewise, you could argue that there is a conspiracy theory that claims that the MSM is deliberately downplaying the urgency of the messages coming from scientific institutions and nobel laureates etc. on the matter of climate change- because the MSM are compromised as part of a system that depends on the fossil fuel economy.

But it also precludes the continuance of capitalistic modernity. Which some people seem to think is a bad thing. The poor in the West can’t afford fossil fuel free transport because of maximum inequality in distribution of burnable carbon. So how about, as I proposed to you months ago – advocating carbon redistribution? Growth is entropically and bio-physically delimited: so outputs need to be equitably distributed globally toward an inclusive egalitarian paradigm.

It will never catch on? No, but it is not purely because of the rich. The average trailer park resident; a redneck among the everglades of Florida, is among the eseva electricity bill payment global super rich – in terms of carbon and resource consumption. No one wants to address what is going to happen when the sustainer of such inequality – cheap burnable carbon – starts to become relatively more expensive. As it already is.

So you shrugged off the AGW conspiracy. What about the entropy conspiracy? We need to transition gas constant in atm from carbon fuels for the gross inequality, dehumanisation, hyper-exploitation, wars and death it has created and sustained; as well as its accelerating factor toward entropic and bio-systemic collapse. What we can’t do is carry on. AGW and entropy combined ensure only greater death and wars can crown capitalistic modernity.

So, if your arguments against AGW entail any sort of defence of the current carbon immiseration cycle – capitalistic modernity – forget it. If so, was entropy a conspiracy by physicists to preclude techno-utopian advance? Perhaps this current inequality can go on forever without causing a psychological or metabolic rift. Whether that is ethically justifiable or even desirable is a strongly contestable point. And AGW and entropy render the argument null and void. There is no real world dialogue as to IF we need to change. The dialogue needs to address HOW we are going to change. AGW becomes a distraction. Entropy is the factor we need to focus on.

“I brought light to the Dominican Republic for the American sugar interests in 1916. I helped make Honduras la gasolina in english right for the American fruit companies in 1903. In China in 1927 I helped see to it that Standard Oil went on its way unmolested. Looking back on it, I might have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents.”

It is not all down to the bad guys: the elite criminals. The big-time criminals do it because they can make a profit from us. They get away with it if we turn an enabling blind eye to a projected, dissociative ‘their’ crimes. We are not blameless and innocent: there is no ‘them’ and ‘us’ dichotomy. Everything we do comes at a cost: and that cost, be it planetary environmentally, or someone else’s life, has to be figured in to the equation. No one is fully to blame, but no one is wholly innocent either.

So, what of the petty criminals who conspire to invade countries, kill millions, and blame it on others? For phones gas gas and fruit and a techno-lifestyle afforded by ‘free’ oil. Nothing is free. We need to figure in the true cost of our lifestyle choices entail. Smedley Butler had the honesty to admit he was a gangster for capitalism. What are we if we live off capitalisms spoils?