Any general advice on how i, a cis guy, can better support my (mtf) girlfriend gas in oil


So I’m pretty new to the world of LGBTQIA(+), and have been dating my girlfriend for about 5 months now. Being a cis guy, I struggle to understand the complex emotions and difficulties my girlfriend is going through, and was looking for general advice form those with experience on what I could be doing to better support her, and any recommended materials I can use to better educate myself. For context, we’re both college students (attending two separate universities), and she’s 21 while I’m 20. She’s a year into the transition, and is still taking blockers. She wants to go through with a castration surgery ASAP, but financially that’s difficult atm. I’m cis, but have an awesome younger sister who came out as lesbian a few years back who has been very supportive in her own right. I’m also high-functioning ASD, if that’s relevant.

Her mother, being a first generation Chinese immigrant, is very peeved her only child, and only son, is becoming (is) her daughter and dating a guy. She’s had many damaging rants with my girlfriend about how her being trans is selfish, and damaging to her (the mother). Needless to say, this pisses me off to end (I come from a family of abuse myself), and emotionally wrecks my girlfriend. During these phone "conversations", I sit by my girlfriend and hug her and try to comfort her while she’s forced to listen to her mother. While, being the hothead I am, I’d very much like to go off on her mother, I know that would make things worse. Is there any way to have an intelligent conversation with her mother, between the three of us, where we each explain our positions? I feel like this is likely very unrealistic, and could potentially devolve into something very damaging for my girlfriend. Any alternative ideas on how to better deal with her mother?

Another issue is that my girlfriend seems to have mood-swings. Or rather, she’s prone to depression and insecurity. It’s by no means as extreme as BPD, but it is worrying for me and – selfishly – a bit draining at times. She does her best to have meaningful conversations with strangers about being trans, but most call her a freak, or some variant thereof. Last night, after one of these conversations, she mae the (tentative) proclamation to hold off on these conversations, and not reveal herself as trans to anyone anymore. I personally believe the benefits of this outweigh the negatives, but was looking fr a second opinion. If these conversations were to continue, are there general "guidelines" or good formats for her to try to follow when promoting trans-issues to cis people?

There’s also a bit of an issue with sex: we recently lsot our virginity to eachother, which went better than expected (we were both very comfortable before, during and after), but even so, sex is surprisingly difficult for a few reasons. The first is that our sex drives don’t sink up a whole lot. I play with her more often than I should (granted, playfully), and that really has nothing to do with her. Another issue is that anal (she won’t be able to afford surgery for a while yet), is a lot harder than porn makes it out to be (surprise, surprise). I have a hard time keeping it up while lubbing her up, and finding a good position to enter in and stay comfortable in is difficult. Foreplay can also be difficult once you get lube on your hands Any advice on easier sex? We just discussed me using Viagra, which she’s comfortable with and doesn’t feel insecure about.

Finally, are there any resources or materials I should invest in to better understand her situation? How knowledgeable should I be of the entire medical process? I’m planning to be there for any and all surgeries, and to be here for a least a week after to help her. But I have very limited knowledge of the process as a whole.