Boyfriend who has anger, jealousy, double standard issues. r gasquet

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23 F) have been together 3 years. We will call him T. VERY early on I got pregnant with our first child (2F) after my birth control failed. We promised we would try to make it work for her, and so far we have. We have maybe had 2 or 3 huge arguments before and you’re normal little tiffs, but nothing we haven’t worked out. But there has been a reoccurring theme in these arguments and I’ve about fucking had it.

T has major anxiety issues. So much so that I can’t get him to fill out the proper paperwork to get insurance to get help. A lot of our arguments stem from the fact he is so insecure about himself that any little thing I say or do towards or about another man he gets extremely jealous and hurt over it. The argument that led me to make this post was over him going through my messages without me knowing (I have nothing to hide so I never delete anything and wouldn’t have cared otherwise) and finding a conversation between me and my sister talking about a friend he has that overcame a major drug addiction, and since I was talking to my sister, words got lax and I used "fuckable" instead of "attractive". Basically what I said was "Sister, one of T’s friends used to be really bad on drugs and was really gross but now that he’s clean i’d consider him totally fuckable". Not meaning that I’d fuck him. I was talking to my sister and we aren’t exactly politically correct. So that started him all pissed off, turned into him saying "I never say that about any of your friends" and here’s the good part! HE DOES. TO MY FACE. I can recall many times we have been talking about one of my attractive friends and he’s said "I’d hit it". And in fact, I caught him messaging another woman a year ago, exchanging nudes and trying to meet with her! He claims that he’s just joking, but that doesn’t matter, he still says it. And honestly, my friends are too attractive for him to be actually joking, so don’t come at me with that BS.

So when he realized I was right (he didn’t admit that though), he turned it into another argument about how I’ve "lost interest in him" and never "show him love" anymore. I stay at home with our child while he works, which means I do all his dishes, laundry, every bit of housework, every bit of cooking all his meals, bill paying, errand running, grocery shopping, and ALL things that have to do with child, and that’s how I let him know I love him. By basically, now that I think about it, mothering him. That takes a huge emotional chunk out of me by the end of the day. I love our child and I love him, but if you have a toddler, you know how physically demanding they can be with cuddles and hugs, etc. By the end of the day I really just want to be left alone and not touched. I’ve explained this to him over and over, but he just doesn’t get it. Next in the argument, he claims "it doesn’t matter what I say because I’m always the bad guy". This pisses me off to NO END because he does the exact SAME THING to me. It doesn’t matter what I say, it’s like his feelings trump everybody else’s. And when he doesn’t have anything valid to back him up, it’s "I’m always the bad guy".

T also needs some anger management. He has never physically hurt either one of us or anything like that, but the man gets overly mad (growling, stomping around, saying THIS IS FUCKING STUPID over and over again) over RIDICULOUS stuff and it irritates the fuck out of me! Like the wind blowing when he’s driving, or when he’s got allergies and can’t breathe. I have more examples but they are so stupid I don’t even want to list them. I’ve explained that if it’s something he doesn’t have the ability to change, why get mad? Just accept it. If he does, then change it instead of getting furious. He does get irritated at our child and there’s been times i’ve told him he needs to chill or go away, because she’s only 2. Like spilling something or making a mess.

*It’s always his way or the highway, and we butt heads a lot over that because I don’t always go his way if I think it’s wrong. We are both pretty stubborn, but his is more ridiculous and mine is more "I know what’s right" and 95 percent of the time, I’M RIGHT.