Defensiveness an enemy of growth and good relationships psychology today la gasolina reggaeton explosion

#############

Most of us can benefit from checking our defensiveness. People often think and act defensively to protect themselves from information that threatens them. Denying, rationalizing, and justifying our unethical, inconsiderate, or immoral behavior, poor choices, failures, and poor performance is a balm for wounded egos and protects self-esteem. But our relationships are often better and our performance higher when we resist our specjalizacja z gastroenterologii defensiveness long enough to take our share of the responsibility and make needed changes.

Defensiveness isn’t only an enemy of personal growth and success; it’s also an enemy of close relationship satisfaction, growth, and success. Successful long-term relationships require cooperative problem solving and constructive conflict resolution. Complaints and requests are made and responded to in ways that serve and strengthen relationship health and satisfaction. Disagreements are mutual electricity 1 7 pdf problems to be cooperatively explored and resolved.

Defensive responses usually make the complainer frustrated and angry and, ironically, defensive! This, of course, is the stuff fights are made of. When our partner is chronically defensive, we may give up on expressing concerns and complaints, because it’s unproductive, and we don’t want to fight. Meanwhile, we become resentful and emotionally distant from our partners, and our problems remain unsolved.

Try: Swallow your pride and strip gas and water socialism away the more toxic aspects of an imperfectly communicated complaint or request. Act more maturely than you feel, and engage with the legitimate aspects of the complaint or request so you can work things out with your partner. If you truly feel the complaint is off base, calmly share your perspective. Remember, it’s not about winning or getting your partner to back off; it’s about having a constructive conflict that strengthens your relationship.

Try: Think ahead about how to best communicate your complaint electricity and magnetism equations. Avoid personality and character attacks and extreme statements that aren’t literally true (e.g., “You need to do your share of the dishes. You’re so selfish. You never think about me and how tired I am after working and cooking dinner. You just go watch TV, while I’m stuck cleaning up.”).

When making a complaint, focus on specific behaviors, and present them as mutual problems to solved in a smooth, calm tone of voice (e.g., “Can we come up with a better plan gas stoichiometry worksheet answers for sharing the dish-washing? I appreciate that you do them sometimes, but I’m still doing most of them electricity questions for class 10. I hate doing dishes, and I’m so tired after working and cooking dinner.”).

Try: Nip defensiveness in the bud. As soon as your partner acts “attacked,” don’t get mad and defensive about your complaint, and don’t respond with a counter-attack. Instead, gently refocus. Restate your concern in a less loaded way. For instance, “I see you’re upset, because you think I’m saying you’re not a good partner. But that’s not true. I love you. I just want to work together to figure out a better way to distribute chores, because it’s a problem for our relationship.”

Also try: Deescalate. If the fight train has left the station, and it’s starting to derail, apologize for your extreme statements (Look, that was unfair, I shouldn’t have said that. What I should have said was…). Restate their position to show you’re now gas zeta costa rica listening (Am I getting this right: Is your point that…). Summarize their position as you understand it, and ask them to summarize yours. Call a time-out if you need to (Let’s settle down and meet back here in 20 minutes.). Remember, the goal is mutual empathy and problem solving.

Some partners, especially those with narcissistic or borderline personality traits, are prone to defensiveness no matter how their partner communicates concerns or complaints. Likewise, some partners are highly critical of us, no matter what we do. I’d think twice before settling down or staying with someone who requires we pretend they can do no wrong or seems to think gas unlimited houston texas we can do no right.