Don stratton_ there really oughta be a law – limaohio. com – limaohio. com

Our government seems to spend most of its time passing laws and rules, apparently as a means of justifying its existence. So many of those laws make no sense, and tend to only add complications and problems to our lives. I have some ideas for some new laws that might benefit people instead of inconveniencing them.

Two rules coming out of Washington in the last 40 years ago make absolutely no sense: Water saving toilets and the elimination of pilot lights. The toilet rule actually caused the use of more water because the new toilets required multiple flushes compared to just one with the old models. The pilot light rule was based on the erroneous assumption (the type that our government is very good at) that we were running out of natural gas. Forty years later we have surplus of gas, so much that we’re allowing trillions of cubic feet of it to be burned and vented into the atmosphere, but we still don’t have pilot lights.

Another recent ridiculous government rule requires changing the CFC propellant in asthma inhalers in order to protect the environment. This resulted in higher prices, in some cases quintuple, for albuterol inhalers. This despite the obvious fact that the very small amount of gas from an inhaler goes entirely into the lungs, and the amount coming out of the lungs and into the atmosphere is minuscule.

The word “minuscule” in the last paragraph (and despite some possible protests, it is spelled correctly) leads me to my first request for a new law — one about spelling on signs. I think that there should be a serious penalty for anyone posting an expensive professionally done sign or billboard with misspelled words. I know that most people can’t spell, but if you’re paying someone a lot of money for a sign, they should at least take the time to check their spelling. It would make things much less distracting for those of us who can spell.

My proposal for new beneficial new laws might also include one requiring local college students to have a very restrictive rev limiter on their vehicles to prevent them from burning rubber. It also would prevent them from showing off their loud exhaust systems, which in many cases are worth more than the rest of the vehicle. Such a law would certainly make the areas near Cable Road and Eastown Road much more livable. The downside might be that it would put some tire stores out of business, but the government is very adept at handing out subsidies for everything else, so no problem.

A law preventing the playing of rap (I don’t say rap music because that’s an oxymoron) within 500 feet of a person older than 50 years of age, unless the player is using earphones, would make the whole area much more livable.

Last, but certainly not least, I would like to see a law stating that no one weighing over a certain weight is allowed to wear yoga pants in public. I know that would make my daily mall walk more enjoyable. If I ever get a yearning to watch two bulldogs fighting in a burlap bag, I’ll get real dogs and a real bag. That would have to be much better than the human facsimiles of that spectacle that I regularly see at the mall.

Of course, such laws will never be passed, but I can dream. To my dismay, if we were able to get such laws passed, it might also open up the possibility of a law preventing grouchy geezers from writing newspaper columns, but I can always fall back on the First Amendment. But then, the government doesn’t really care much about following the Constitution either.