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Eight months ago there was a fight between him and my daughter, and he “lost his temper.” He admitted so at the time. hp gas kushaiguda phone number He told me he had yelled in her face and that he realized it was too harsh when he did it. For the last few months that my daughter has been in PTSD therapy, she’s been telling her therapist and me that the fight they had really scared her, gave her flashbacks to her bio dad, and that she didn’t want to live in this house with those memories anymore.

She’s sensitive. She’s had a LOT of trauma. Someone yelling in my face would upset me, too. My parents never did that to me, even though they spanked us. A quick swat on the butt is a lot less psychologically damaging than screaming in someone’s face, in my opinion. So I chalked it up to a sensitive, dramatic teenager. I wasn’t home when it happened. And though he’s raised his voice and yelled a few times, what happened eight months ago was an isolated incident, and he knew he had gone too far. We just had to repair and heal from it. But it kept bothering my daughter. It’s something we were working on in counseling. The therapist suggested family counseling, but not yet, because my daughter wasn’t ready to relive that incident with her dad in the room.

Two weeks ago I found her journal, as she was in he bathroom puking. I was looking for the blades she had used to cut herself, and when I saw her notebook I thought it was mine. I opened it to see, and quickly realized it was hers. But some words jumped off the page at me before she came in the room and I shoved it back into the drawer: biological dad, yelling for lying, shoved me, pinned me down. I couldn’t tell if she was saying that her bio dad had done those things, or her adopted dad. Or was this about the fight eight months ago?

Eleven days ago I put a deposit down on my own apartment. Impulsive, yes. I decided I needed a place of my own, to sit and write and think and sleep and not be bothered with the constant disparaging remarks about my job. I wasn’t planning to move out of my house, it was just going to be my secret sacred place. But it fell through later that afternoon anyway.

Ten days ago I asked my daughter about her journal entry. I told her I had become concerned by some things I accidentally saw in her journal, and asked her for the full details of what had happened eight months ago. electricity out She didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me to be mad at him. But I coaxed it out of her. She said he pushed her down on the bed, pinned her, and yelled in her face.

Nine days ago I talked to my dad, the wisest person I know. He said though he likes my husband, and my husband has been a stabilizing force in my life and the kids’ lives, and my husband and I typically get along great, that he’s always thought my husband was a little too harsh with the kids. And he comes from a different generation (he’s 15 years my senior), so he’ll have different ideas about discipline and child-rearing, but that he needs to more fully appreciate the trauma that the kids have been through. electricity towers in japan They’re broken. They need love and nurture more than a heavy hand.

I had asked that once before, when there were issues with his ex-wife (that’s another story), and had been quickly shut down. I didn’t expect anything different this time. And though he didn’t shut it down, he sulked angrily. “I knew you didn’t love me,” and “I’ll move out this weekend,” and “counseling would just be you bitching to someone else about me. Why can’t you and I just talk about whatever problems you think we have?”

Okay let’s do that then. You’re too harsh on the girls. You lied to me about how you punished one of them. I don’t get any support from you about my job. I had to practice my presentations for my promotional packet with my competition and his wife because you couldn’t be bothered to be there for me. You spend every cent we make, I have to work overtime to pay the credit cards, and you bitch about me being at work all the time. You let your ex-wife walk all over you because you don’t want to piss her off, but it causes problems with your current wife. I’m standing here telling you our relationship is hanging on by a thread and I want to save it, and you’re unwilling to entertain the idea of us getting some help and guidance to do so.

We went to bed angry. He did agree to separate finances, though. But said he couldn’t afford half of the shared expenses, due to his child support, back taxes, ridiculous truck payment, and allll the debt he brought with him. gas stoichiometry practice Fucking fine. I’ll pay the mortgage and utilities myself. His money will go to his expenses, my money will go to mine and the girls’.

Eight days ago I woke up to a home-cooked breakfast, fresh coffee, and him working on my office (another story there, too). He cleaned the house, made dinner, spent quality time with the kids, and tearfully apologized for being a shitty, lazy husband and father. He promised to be better, do better, and prove himself. He wanted to go to counseling.

Two days ago I saw some immediate benefit from our separate finances. His son had been on my insurance – 100% free, premiums paid by my employer – but his ex-wife decided she didn’t like that, because she doesn’t like me. She insisted on putting their son on her health insurance, and my husband didn’t stand up to her. By their divorce decree, he is responsible for insuring the boy, whether through his own employer or through mine. So the boy’s insurance went from *free* to $400 per month to add him to the ex-wife’s insurance. So his child support went up by $400 per month.

We went over the separation of our finances, and who is paying for what, for it to be fair and equitable. He balked that once he is done paying his bills, he doesn’t have any “fun money” for himself. He said it “isn’t fair,” because if I want fun money, I have endless opportunities for overtime available to me, but he can’t get overtime at his job.

NOT FAIR?! Um… I just showed him that I am paying the MORTGAGE AND UTILITIES and not asking for any help from him because he can’t afford it. I’ll have to do overtime just to pay those bills, and extra-extra overtime if I want “fun money” for myself. FAIR would be to split those down the middle, but in that case he’d have to get a second full-time job to pay his half. z gas ensenada telefono He’s right it “isn’t fair.” I’m paying the mortgage and utilities by myself so that when I kick his ass out, it doesn’t change the financial situation that I’ll already be used to.

Out and about with the family, my daughter made a comment that I perceived as silly/sarcastic, and he perceived as snarky/disobedient. So he yelled/cussed at her pretty harshly. Then we went into a store and he didn’t think anything was wrong. He walked ahead of us, and she crumbled into tears in my arms. I pulled him aside and calmly told him I didn’t think the way he spoke to her was appropriate and that later I’d like to discuss how we discipline the kids.

Once he calmed down, and we were back home, he agreed he had been too harsh with her, but thinks I’m a pushover with the kids. I probably am. But it’s because I know the pain they’ve experienced, and love is the only thing that can cover that. They don’t run the household, but I believe in calm and reasonable conversation, helping kids understand things, giving them a safe and nurturing environment rather than harsh punishment.

Then we went to his company’s holiday party (still a little bitter that I had to give away orchestra tickets that I had bought for the family because he didn’t tell me about this party until last-minute). It was going fine until he was 5 drinks in and sitting sulking at the bar, not even conversing with his coworkers anymore. I wanted to go home and he wanted to shut the place down at 2am.

That’s a touchy subject. Five years ago we had agreed that he needed to have an honest conversation with his ex. Apologize for the way he left her, but set some boundaries in terms of how she interacts with me. Let her know that they boy wants me at his important events (like and Eagle Scout ceremony, for example) and that we are all co-parenting this boy together and need to be able to speak to each other. That she doesn’t get to dictate that I can’t get out of the car at custody-exchange, or look at her, or speak to her. But for five years he avoided that conversation. I brought up a few times that the boy is going to get his Eagle Scout, and graduate high school, and have a wedding, and have babies who will have birthday parties, and for Christ sake can’t we all be in the same room and civil with one another?!

But, wanting to avoid conflict, he didn’t ever say any of those things to her, and he let her demand that I couldn’t go to the boy’s Eagle Scout ceremony. At first, she was paying for the whole thing, so he told me that if she was paying for it, she could decide who was invited. But then, weeks before the actual event, she asked him to pay for half. Of course that’s only fair! And isn’t that also the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that since he was paying for half, that he was going to bring his wife (at his son’s request!) and she didn’t get to say no?

Fucking “we”? Sounds like “you” need to pay her. Remember our separate finances? And even if they were combined, I’m not paying a goddamn cent for something that I was intentionally excluded from attending – a huge milestone in this boy’s life that he wanted his stepmom to be there for but I wasn’t “allowed” to go. The boy is his son and her son, and the two of them can pay for the ceremony. I don’t see where I fit in this “we” thing. nyc electricity consumption Maybe if I had been included I’d be more than happy to help. (Bitch move?)