How to know if he was really a narcissist what if it was me who ruined it – quora gas and sand


Only you know your circumstances. Without any examples, one would be hard pressed to answer this question; but, after some thought, I feel I need to say… that women, esp women, are geared to fixing problems within a relationship. That’s our nature… to nurture, even to the point that we often absorb the blame just to smooth things over, so that we can move forward and normalize again. Our anger seems to resolve for a while, once more the sun comes out play. But what is taking place under the surface is that these anger issues are not resolved..they just play hide and seek. If this becomes a pattern, eventually, we become resentful. When it gets to this point… what do we do?…Well one of the first things we do is… we stop going the extra mile, these little extra steps we provide often get overlooked by our SOs anyways. We tend to put a lot of thought and care into pleasing our SOs. This is one of a woman’s many ways of expressing her love. Funny, those little extras finally get noticed, when we stop doing them! I believe this is an early indicator that the relationship needs some assistance to get back on course. It really should have started with closed communication from the very beginning, and along the way as disputes come up. Most men are not the greatest communicators in women’s emotional departments and tend to think women are just bitching… which could very well appear or come a crossed that way, because often, we have waited too long and now we are angry. Not the greatest time to get our issues resolved. Maybe after some great sex:))..would be a terrific time to voice your concerns and get your man to talk. This would be a good time to sneak attack..while his guard is down;) I would be extremely careful with assuming or wondering if narcissism is a key factor, unless he has been formally diagnosed. In the eyes of most women, men in general can tend to exhibit narcissistic behaviors or traits. Now would be a good time to seek counseling together and learn some effective communication strategies.

If you have been love bombed , Gaslighted , devalued, discarded , Hovered . You can be rest assured he/she is a Narcissist . It is hard to accept because you don’t want to believe it .are you questioning/second guessing yourself , blaming yourself thinking maybe if I hadn’t done this or that ? Stop now . They Fuck with your head so much yet you want the person they pretended to be when they were love bombing you . That was their false self and what hooked you in and made you fall in love with them . They then become a highly addictive drug and when the Gaslighting starts your brain goes into denial that this person is now actually emotionally abusing you . You lose yourself in them, You start to blame yourself you go into denial about what is happening and stay stuck waiting for them to change back .

When I went through all the stages first time round and was brutally discarded . I researched and researched I didn’t want to label him . Every thing I read I had been through . Everything ! I was then hoovered back in and yes back to the love bombing stage . I gave him the benefit of the doubt but was so much more aware of what to look for . It didn’t take long . Four days into the second chance that I gave him . I got The Gaslighting then the Narcissistic Rage , the devaluation which was much worse and came out of the blue . I got the passive aggressive silent treatment . He went on speaker phone with his new supply so I would hear him and her chatting each other up . I finally snapped and told him I knew what he was. He laughed at me and told me the girl on the phone was only one of maybe 12 maybe 20 other women . I was so shocked and so hurt. Before that I complacently thought he had never cheated on me been with anyone else after we split the first time . I didn’t have to unmask him he unmasked himself to me and I was brutally and cruelly discarded .

I would say to you be honest with yourself no matter how hard it is to believe and accept this is not you it is him .All him .and it’s not rocket science he is a Narcissist . Work on you and getting him out of your mind and your life there’s loads of help here on Quora, on you tube etc take back your own power be free .