Lynn in denver the trials and tribulations of a denver tgirl electricity water analogy animation

#########

Yesterday was basically the “anniversary gift” to myself – I started buying new clothes to replenish the wardrobe. Most of my clothes had slid into “5 years or older” territory (due to the job thing), or were obviously worn out, or obviously out of style, or clearly were bought at a thrift store, or just didn’t fit correctly anymore, or never fit correctly to begin with, and with some pieces it was definitely “multiple choice” on the things wrong with them. New bras, too, after I got measured and fitted. la gas leak Last night’s wedding anniversary dinner was literally the most physically comfortable I’ve ever felt, no pinching of waists or straps sagging or anything.

The biggest deal for me at this point is figuring out when particular things happen, like getting the hair removed from my face, trying hormone therapy, and dealing with my workplace, which at this point is one of the few places in my life I still have to cram myself into the box that feels like it’s smaller by the week. And sometime after that is dealing with things like name changing and gender markers.

So, my marriage has been going pretty good. I can thank my abusers for basically kicking me into figuring out what I really needed in a relationship. It definitely made me much more willing to consider what society claimed I should want, versus what Lynn actually wants, with regards to relationships. electricity jeopardy 4th grade We’ll be celebrating three years next month, and I’m expecting there’s a lot more after that we’ll be celebrating.

I’m still trying to get out once a week. It’s been a LOT harder this year than year’s past. Besides the political nightmare that is our “democratic” system showing signs of what might actually be terminal failure (and the asshats coming out of the woodwork in response that makes it at least seem like it’s less safe to be myself), plus losing a dear friend to cancer, and having a few others have serious health scares, I’m finding it much more difficult to do my own proper level of “self care” (read: get out of the house in my Comfort Mode), and it’s been making it easier to at that point slide away from my baseline. My dearest is making efforts to ensure I take the necessary time so that I can keep from getting into horrible mental trouble.

Speaking of that mental trouble, it’s even more clear these days that I have a “minimum time” requirement for my Comfort Mode, and it’s most easily satisfied (although not fully) with weekly episodes. Full weekends are best, but even a few hours can at least “keep the edge off”. It’s not that I suffer any discomfort that’s obvious to me in the moment, but I can definitely tell that my mood becomes a lot less agreeable if I don’t get at least timely doses. I’m not quite sure if it means I should transition yet, it’s going to require some definite thinking… and possibly a job change. I pretty much answer to “Lynn” with most of our groups of friends at this point, in both modes, and I don’t think any of them would bat an eye.

Outside of that chance Twitter favoriting by Rose (and no longer having to worry about anything Twitter because I later cancelled because they won’t deal with the toxic manchildren), I’ve been pulling back on most of my social media presence. I deleted my Flickr profile this past month, in part because of the massive breach, in part because of the massive government security breach. electricity meme I finally just deleted my old Livejournal. I have no plans on making any more social media profiles; my Tumblr profile is going to be my last one, and I expect that one to go away sometime in the next five years.

On the other part of the online coin, I’ve also pretty much gotten to the point that I’ll only join forums if they provide a specific level of benefit; too many of them have insufficient policies against “shit posting” and trolls. I left one enthusiasm forum something like 3 years ago because it was clear they didn’t care about doing anything about it. It’s also pretty clear to me that the default state of the internet involves a knee-deep level of toxicity, and I’m not really keen to support places that don’t do their damndest to ensure that the toxicity has no place. The last few forums I joined because I wanted access to a download area for certain hobby work, and they provide pretty much no mechanism for anonymous downloads.

The house is taking up a fair amount of bandwidth, given that we’re the ones responsible for the exterior, and after 15 years of apartment living, that was a shock to the system. gas station In fact, later today I’ll be going out and raking up a round of leaves. We’ve been enjoying the things like the quiet of not being literally on top of our neighbors, that we can do things at home at any hour without worrying about neighbors potentially making noise complaints, and even that we can paint the rooms and drill the walls without having to seek any sort of permission to do so. It makes the rest so worth it.

The most stressful part of this anniversary, though, has been the election. gasbuddy near me Our democracy has been made a laughing stock in front of the international community, although to be frank (and Forrester) about it fascism is NOT a laughing matter, and even the outside chance of Trump winning this thing makes me incredibly nervous, not to mention the increased chances of the jackasses out there deciding it’s OK for them to be not only jackasses, but violent jackasses. I’ve been more ready than most years for this election season to be over, finished, so we can get back to some level of “normal”, although we’re definitely going to have to establish a new normal. And yes, I’ve already voted.

I’m to the point that I am going through my wardrobe. A definite amount of stuff in there doesn’t fit anymore, some because I’ve put on a little weight, some because it shrunk in the wash, and I’ve also got pieces that are now “orphaned”, basically with no matching component (blouse with no skirt, skirt with no good top), and I’ll need to decide whether they go too or I seek out a new mating piece. Plus, there’s the fact that I haven’t worn a lot of it lately.

I did kill my last Twitter account a few weeks ago. gas in oil mower So far, I haven’t missed it. I sincerely doubt, at this point, even if they start providing the good tools, that they’ll make sufficient changes to the service to make it possible for people to properly curate their experiences there and make it impossible for the abuse to happen – they’re too wedded to the idea that “free speech is absolute” to consider that too many people out there abuse the privilege. Yes, on a service provided by a corporation, speech is indeed a privilege – only the government is restricted to needing an absolute overriding reason, such as safety, to prevent someone from speaking freely.

At this point, much like forums (I rarely join up with forums, because few of them take the need for safe space making seriously), I’m not really big on joining social networks anymore. Tumblr is probably going to be the last social media service I ever join, and I’m putting thought into closing down the remaining ones that I have accounts on that I don’t visit.