Retarded customer questions, part i gas in oil tank

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For some reason, we can never get enough "stupid customer" stories. Maybe because nearly all of us can identify with the frustration of having to deal — politely — with the absolute idiots on the other side of the counter or phone conversation. Maybe it’s also because we all need some validation that we personally are all model customers who have never asked any such thing as a bad question. Whatever the reason, I know you’ll enjoy this first installment of "Retarded Customer Questions", as started by Forums Goon oldbrownshoe.

I stop what I’m doing and go to the front of the store. I expect to see a perplexed customer standing at one of kiosks trying to figure out how to work it, not realizing that simpling reading the screen works wonders. However, I find no one there. I see a co-worker, the one who paged me, at the counter talking to a woman trying on reading glasses. I ask her who was the customer that needed help in photo. She points to the woman in front of her. The woman looks to me and asks:

She repeats the question and I tell her the 2nd pair. She makes absolutely sure that I think the second ones look better by trying them on for me again. I tell her yes as I’m walking away. There was a customer in line near us who just stared at me with his mouth open slightly and a wtf look on his face. I’m sorta pissed at my co-worker, who was standing right there, for calling me from the back just for that.

I work for a website that sells pet supplies and I get a lot of idiots calling in, but I think this one takes the cake so far; one evening a woman called me up, indicated a 45qt dog food container featured on the site, and proceeded to ask me how big it was.

When I tried to explain to her that there is a difference between weight and volume and it depended on what type of food she was using, how dense it was, how big the kibbles were, et cetera… she pitched a huge hissy fit. After claiming that I "obviously didn’t know my products well enough" and that I was "just being difficult" she demanded to talk to my supervisor who she was certain could give her the answer. Good luck on that one, lady.

I used to work at a gas station, and once a lady came into the office and up to the counter and asked me, "how do you spell Xanax?" I answered. She wrote it down on a pad of paper that had the Xanax logo on it, using a pen that had Xanax written on it.

9 times out of 10, I’d open the remote, take out the batteries and replace them so they were facing the right direction. I’d say to the customer, "Oh, it looks like the batteries were in backwards," never letting on what a stupid mistake this was.

They never believed me. The only way that’d I’d get them out of the store was to promise that if they got home and it didn’t work that they could reach me directly if there was a problem, (lord knows that that was almost impossible) but, of course, they never needed to call me back.

When I worked in Mens Wear I got "Will this belt fit my son?". Bear in mind her son was nowhere around so I had no basis for judgement. So I respond with "That depends, what size pants does your son wear?". The idiot goes "I don’t know, he’s 16 years old though".

I then proceed to explain to her in great detail that belts are based waist size and not all people are the same size. Even different 16 year olds come in different sizes. Her response, "Oh, but he’s 16 years old. Will this fit him?". I just told her yes.

Me (looks at bill): Well sir, we don’t have anything to do with the credit cards so you would have to call the 1-800 number on your bill here and they can fix it for you. The only problem I can see is this is a return for shoes on your bill. They’re actually crediting you money. Therefore you probably did buy them and return them. If you didn’t though, just call the 1-800 number and they can help you out.

And he walks off. I told him three times to call the 1-800 number and he just ignores me. I also tell him that it is actually credited to his account so he in fact RETURNED the item, he ignores me. So I dumped him on someone else. The funny thing was, after I told him to go upstairs, he walked out of the store. Ya know, as opposed to actually going upstairs.

I had one dumb bimbo come in a few weeks ago. Fashion plate; tall long blond hair, bubblegum pink eyeshadow, designer clothes, bitch boots with 4" stiletto heels, Gucci bag, a figure that you could snap in half over your knee, the whole nine yards. And a perma-sneer that intensified when she saw the only person to talk to was the *gasp* shorter, larger, Zellers-clothes-wearing ravenhaired beast that was myself.

When it comes to computers, some people completely turn their mind off when they call. I can’t tell you how many time I have said something as simple as click on start and they reply back that I need to slow down because they dont have a clue.

When working in any sort of media retail store, you must always remember that customers believe that "in the back" is some sort of magical wonderland of titles that don’t exist, haven’t come out yet, or are so old that you may find them at your local historical society and nowhere else.

I worked in a mall where there was, in order, a Gamestop, an EBX (Trendy Electronics Boutique), and an EB Games. I worked in the EBX. It was cleaner, bigger, and tended to not collect the massive hordes of idiots that swarm on the other two. All three stores had the same shipping provider — UPS. All our shipments arrived at the same rerouting warehouse, and ended up on the same truck. They also were shipped from the same plane (most of the time).

It was the day of the Madden 2005 release. Usually what happens on launch day is when the stores open (8 AM), there’s an incredibly long line of people who pre-order, as if that would actually help them. Pre-orders, when made a few weeks back, get you a special shipment of the product — JUST FOR YOU. It does NOT, repeat NOT, make the game magically appear on a plane that was already in-flight.

A few hours pass from store-opening, and usually we get word from UPS that the truck is incoming, or that he’ll be a tad late, or something. Well, the call never came. At around 3PM, we started getting worried, so we called UPS. The UPS transit station knows me, so I’m usually the one to call.

Well, the inference was made that because I work at EBX, I don’t know anything about logistics or product distribution on a continental scale. Therefore, I couldn’t possibly know that any of the three stores would have their copies in on time today. As such, I am dismissing the initial story that I predicted correctly, and am currently working in re-establishing your pre-order.

Sir. Short of the fact that if I just put a copy of Madden 04 in an 05 preorder box, you probably wouldn’t notice the difference, we have no copies of Madden 2005. There’s nothing in the back, and there won’t be anything in the back until we get the shipment!