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The best gift that a mate, relative, or good friend can give a person with a terminal disease is to be the victim’s trusted personal assistant. (The personal assistant also needs a personal assistant — caring for a dying person is a draining activity.) As the bad news spreads, the phone calls begin with offers of magical potions, introductions to healers, embracing the correct religion. Then the DVDs, books, magazines are arriving. Sales people trying to break through with cold visits. Before this point, the victim needs the personal assistant to control communications, one with the guts to tell old friends to piss off and to toss inappropriate cards into the trash. IMHO, there are no appropriate letters, books, DVDs, etc. — there is not time to read that crap. It all goes into the trash, never to be read by anyone. If someone important to the victim complains, just say there is not time to evaluate that stuff — we have the medical team to determine the course of action, and we are not second guessing them.

Got all of that under control? Good, because now the personal assistant has to guide the preparation of the taxes, legal papers, including the will and instructions for the management of the estate. Before and after the victim dies, assets must be sold.

and give-aways of pieces of his estate. a) get assigned his health care power of attorney and his general power of attorney, b) get assigned trustee of his living will, c) get done his last will and testament. Have an attorney do these to ensure they can survive challenges. When your husband says "what about xyz?", you can say: Your medical team is dedicated to doing the best that can be done for you, so let’s put xyz on the list to be discussed with them. If the purveyor of xyz makes contact with you, say that you have the various powers of attorney, you will never allow them to treat him, and you control the money and will never pay them. Also, if they persist, you will get a restraining order.

As his finally days approach, you will also be disappointed in the people who come to you claiming he owes them debts and promises. Evaluate the written agreements and tell the others without documented bills to piss off. If you are not tough now, you will become tough. I know a personal assistant who looked forward to delivering this line. "He worked two jobs, and he told me that he finds no joy is giving his money or possessions to those who worked less. He believes that the only worthwhile gifts are to help with necessary medical services or for young people to help with tuition in a State college."

If your husband learns that you disappointed a parasite, and he complains to you "it’s my life and my money and I will do with it what I want to", calmly tell him that you have his power of attorney, and you are following his objectives as stated in the various documents that he signed. And, when he signed those, he gave up the right to do what he wants to do. You now have that right, and you are not honoring that request by the parasite. If he tries to push more on this, say: "You can take me to court to get my powers of attorney revoked, but you will have to show that you are competent to manage all of your affairs. Can you take care of yourself without my help?"